KIERAN

On a day in January 2018, my first day in Conna Nursing Home, nurse Catherine Feeney introduced me to Kieran Milward. ‘Kieran will be your minder today’, she told me.

By lunchtime I had not only lost Kieran, but I couldn’t remember his name. First days in any new environment are fraught with adjustments. Take a first in a retirement home and baby!!!

On a day somewhere along the way since then, I asked Kieran to describe Laura for me. Laura is his wife. When he began, “Long black hair, green eyes” I said “Oh Kieran, She must be beautiful”. He gave me that big smile of his before agreeing shyly “I think so!” Oh Kieran, happy, happy man.

Some days ago now, approaching my biggest birthday ever, with that in mind Kieran turned to me and asked “Aileen have you enjoyed living? Have you enjoyed your life?” and I heard myself respond “No. There has been too much sadness.”

It would appear I am still carrying the accumulated grief of childhood, the almost seasonal leave-taking of home and parents at end of school holidays, at a time when rightly or wrongly I still desperately needed the dear familiar warmth of their shelter; the pets loved and lost, their warm furry bodies consigned to an early grave.

Yesterday or whenever I found myself thinking tomorrow, I will go talk to health carer Aidan. Aidan with his typical calm sane sanity. He will know what to do and make it all go away. Then I remembered, he will not be there anymore for he has gone too far from here to a new job. Best of luck Aidan. Be very happy.